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Dearest,
Letter #21 arriving on May 21st. I didn't plan it. But I'm paying attention to it.
Here's something I need you to hear and stick with me because it will make sense: self-care is not self-love.
Self-care is the bath bomb. The face mask. The "treat yourself" moment that makes you feel good for an hour and changes nothing about your trajectory.
Self-love is harder. Self-love is investing in yourself when the return isn't guaranteed. It's setting the boundary even when it feels uncomfortable. It's betting on your own potential when no one else is placing chips on the table. It's keeping promises to yourself when it would be easier to break them.
And one of the ways we fail at self-love is by not investing in ourselves because our dreams feel too big, too scary, or we don't feel ready.
Ready is not a feeling. It's a choice.
So let me ask you something: six months from now, will you be content being exactly where you are right now? Same income. Same opportunities. Same network. Same ideas sitting in your notes app collecting dust.
If the answer is no, keep reading. ππ½
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This is the summer I become lethal. And I want you to become lethal with me.
What does lethal mean?
Audacious. Unapologetic. Prioritizing yourself without apology. Leveling up in health, skill, business, and finances. Not starting from scratch, but quantum leaping. I've done this before. Built companies. Raised capital. Helped other people and businesses scale to millions. Now I'm doing it again, for myself, with everything I've learned, and I'm not doing it quietly. πΈ
Here are three things you can do to make this the summer you stop playing small.
1. Create an alter ego.
This is not woo-woo. This is psychology.
BeyoncΓ© created Sasha Fierce to overcome stage fright and step into a bolder, more sensual version of herself on stage. She said Sasha was "the fun, more aggressive, more outspoken, more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working." Kobe Bryant worked with performance coach Todd Herman to create the Black Mamba, a persona that allowed him to detach emotionally from criticism and approach the game with ruthless focus. The Mamba was immune to pressure. Kobe the person had doubts. But when he stepped into that identity, the doubts became irrelevant.
David Goggins calls his alter ego simply "Goggins," the hardest motherfucker on the planet. He summons it when he needs to do something difficult.
The psychology is this: an alter ego creates distance between your everyday self, the one carrying insecurities and second-guessing, and the version of you that needs to perform. It's not a mask. It's a tool. A scaffold that allows you to access qualities that might feel too bold or too risky in your normal state.
What would you name your lethal self? What qualities does she carry that you've been too afraid to embody?
2. Expand your opportunity and wealth potential through proximity.
If you are spending your weekends binge-watching shows, going to the same happy hours, hanging out with the same people who want you to stay small, you are signaling to your body that your needs don't matter.
Every single time I invested in myself, whether it was a cohort, a conference, a mastermind, a coaching container, traveling for opportunities, I unlocked a bank of opportunities I could not have accessed alone. Not because of the content. Because of the proximity. Because I was in rooms with people who were thinking bigger than me, moving faster than me, building things that made me realize what was actually possible.
Working in isolation works for productivity. It does not work for expansion.
When you take yourself out of your comfort zone, you expand your own potential of what's possible. Your ceiling rises because you see other people breaking through theirs. πͺπ½
3. Keep a promise to yourself.
If you say you're going to do something, do it. Not someday. This week. This weekend. This month.
Whether it's the dance class, the gym, eating healthier, cutting out alcohol, posting on social media, working on your email funnels, booking that solo trip, investing in your business, keep the promise.
Every time you break a promise to yourself, you are training yourself to believe that you come last. That your goals are negotiable. That the life you say you want can wait.
It cannot wait.
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You know how I keep my promise to myself?
By doing what I said I was going to do. I just spent the last three hours leading a workshop for a major bank, prepping early-stage founders for a pitch competition. Now I'm home, eating dinner at 8:42pm at my desk, writing this letter.
Because I committed to writing these letters weekly, at the bare minimum bi-weekly. One skip is okay. Twice skipped is a habit. And bad habits compound over time.
No one is going to keep the promise for you. And you cannot expect someone else to be responsible for keeping you motivated. Accountable, yes. And if you need that, join The Table in June.
Become lethal.
You don't need to be fully ready. You don't need to know where it's going. I just need you to sit with your why. We put order to it together.
Every single woman who has come through The Table walks out the version of herself from her vision board. π―
Do you want to know what pisses me off? Untapped potential. Brilliant women who are everyone's best-kept secret because they're too afraid to take up space.
I'm here for the iconic women who are done being invisible and ready to be unfuckable with.
We ride on June 18th.
βJoin The Table ββ
What promise are you ready to keep for yourself? Reply and tell me. And then tell me how it felt when you finally did the thing you said you would do.
You are capable of doing hard things. You are capable of doing great things.
Let yourself do it.
Until the next letter,
Vanessa
P.S. I've been keeping my own promise of posting consistently on social media. So far, I've posted this and this. Come watch me be lethal in public.@vanessasantosleonβ
P.P.S. Next month's Glow Up is happening June 11th, and I'm keeping my promise of sharing what I learn from being in the arena. Sign up here.
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